Jesse was just about the funniest guy you could imagine. He was always a blast to work with, always making jokes, always in a good mood. He was a skinny dark haired kid, and a redneck through and through. He was big into conspiracy theories and wild stories, although you could never quite tell if he actually believed them or just got a kick out of them with the half sarcastic way he told them. He loved country music, guns, and Chevrolets, and always wore some camo. His quirkiness and upbeat personality made everyone around him a bit happier, even if they were having the worst day ever.
The prompt is 'first person you remember'--and you're giving a short answer as if this was a test, which it isn't--or not in the ordinary school way. It is a test of writing.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, you're not in it at all. That's a problem.
You've got a lisst of qualities and descriptors without any kind of dramatization or way of bringing Jesse to life on the page. And the last sentence just begs for more development.
This is one you have to rewrite, using the first person, avoiding the inconsequential, and focusing on the important stuff--stuff that's important enough to dramatize.