Just as I laid my head down on the pillow, I hear the commotion of teenage girls outside coming in the house. They go on for a bit making a ruckus, and I try to ignore it for a bit. After about twenty minutes of them being louder than normal I decide to go out and check on them and see what they’re up to. I step outside my room and see my sister and her friends at the bottom of the stair, three of them around one girl who is passed out on the floor. I can smell alcohol in the room and instantly know what’s going on. I sternly ask “What are you doing Megan? Have you been drinking?” All I get in response is silence, none of the girls willing to look up at me, nobody saying a word, all of them with the look of teenagers who know they’ve gotten themselves into trouble.
Just read the vignette on skiing I thought was too short (you're going for short these days!) This one I think is too long.
ReplyDeleteThis sentence "All I get in response is silence, none of the girls willing to look up at me, nobody saying a word, all of them with the look of teenagers who know they’ve gotten themselves into trouble. " I would chop so it read:
"All I get in response is silence, none of the girls willing to look up at me, nobody saying a word. "
Much stronger.
But still that's a minimal vignette. A sketch can have more than a few lines--if they are the right lines, they bring pleasure to the audience.